Some days just SUCK

Since I just started this blog a short time ago, I didn't get very far with introducing you to my family. I gave you the main cast of characters in my house hold but have not made it to those who have been with me for my whole life.

Anyone who has held more than a 10 minute conversation with me knows that I was raised by my Grandparents. My Nana and Pop. They're just good people. The loved me unconditionally my entire life. They stood by me when they probably shouldn't have. They never wavered one bit.

My Pop is just a softy. He gave me everything I ever wanted. He gave everyone everything they wanted. He still does. That is just the kind of man he is. I believe that one day he will be up for Saint-hood or something. If not, he should be.

My Nana. This is who this post is really about. She's sick. I'm sad. I think I'm beyond sad.

I'll give you some history on my Nana. She's a bitch. Don't get me wrong, I say that will the utmost respect and love for her. But, she is a bitch. She would laugh if she read this and also probably say thank you as well. She's proud of her status in our family. We all know she wears the pants.

Growing up we could get away with anything but not without her bitching at us. She just bitches. She doesn't talk, she bitches. That's my Nana.

I walk in the room and she looks at me. She usually makes a comment that goes something like "what did you do to your hair" or "your bangs are too long, you need a haircut" or "what are you wearing". I guess that if your not raised like that you would be hurt by what she said but I just learned to stand tall and say "I dyed it purple, don't you like it?". She'll roll her eyes to show her disapproval and we're on to the next subject. Purple hair and all.

I have countless stories I could tell you that would make you laugh your ass off. She threw a glass at me one time and hit me in the back of the head. If you think that's bad, you should hear what I did to deserve it. And, deserve it I did! Her favorite saying is "Your ass sucks carpet tacks". Can anyone even begin to tell me what that means because after 38 years I still have no idea.

For all her tough exterior, she is the one who took me in and raised me after all her kids were grown. She was the caretaker when I was sick. She was the one that took me in a room at 10 years old and told me my Daddy died. She just hugged me and cried with me. She is the rock our family is build on. She is the one that I can only aspire to be like.

Nana has never been in great health. She is diabetic, has had a triple by-pass, has had her illiac artery replaced and has had 7 of her toes amputated. Her health has been worse for the last couple of years and she really wasn't very mobile anymore. Then came Nov. 4th. She went to a doctors appointment and fell. She broke her ankle. I knew this was going to be bad.

They did surgery and put in some screws, rods, and plates. They did what they could to give her a chance at walking again. It didn't work. After several weeks, the skin on the ankle basically disintegrated and she was left with a open wound. Not good for diabetics. It's just gotten progressively worse since then. One by one her organs are failing her.....and me.

Today the doctor told me that there is nothing more than can do for her. Her lungs are failing, her heart is giving out. She won't survive a surgery to save her. I followed through on my responsibilities and called each of my family members and told them. The hard part hadn't even begun yet. You see, my Nana and Pop were sitting in the hospital waiting for me. Waiting for me to tell them what was next.

I had to go in there and tell them that there was no next. There was no more to do. She knew. She knew as soon as she seen me. That's just the way she is, she always knows. Pop didn't. I had to tell my poor Poppie that there was nothing more the doctors could do to help his wife. That time was all he had and it wasn't on his side.

I did what I had to do and remained calm doing it. But I'm not calm now. I don't want to be calm. I want to yell at someone and make them fix her. They just need to fix her. I'm not ready for this. I don't want her to leave me. She's my Nana and every girl needs her Nana. I need her to bitch at me. I'd give anything to have her well enough to yell at me right now. I'm not ready to take on this world knowing that I can't go home to her. I love my Nana and I don't want her to go.

New Years Eve

Welcome 2009!!!!

We spent our New Years with great friends at the Motorcycle Club. Here's a few pics worth a thousand words ~ hehehe